A few days ago, I wrote about balance.

I tried to make the point that I believe balance (as a way for busy people to cope with the demands of their life) is a myth.

All of my thoughts on the subject have been prompted by how busy my life seems these days and the fact that I’m wanting to do something to combat that as the due date of our daughter rapidly approaches.

As I’ve been thinking about it more lately, I’ve been thinking about my own parents. In some ways, my mom and dad are the model that I’d really like to be working toward in this area.

I’ll never know exactly how bad it was for them, but when I was a very young child, I get the feeling that my parents really had to scrape by just for us to make it as a family.

For them, part of scraping by meant they both had to work full-time to provide for us. However, my brother and I never attended a day-care, we didn’t spend much time at sitters, and I remember spending a lot of time with my mom and dad as a kid.

How did they make that happen? Well… it’s a lot easier to find time to spend with your kids if: A) you work days and your spouse works nights, B) you spend nearly all of your non-working hours doing things with your kids, and C) you sacrifice a lot of your own personal interests for the good of your family.

In reference to “A” above, sometimes my mom worked nights and my dad worked days. Sometimes it was the other way around, but the point is that they often worked opposite shifts so that one of them could always be with my brother and I. Although I’m sure I’ll never fully understand how hard that was for them, I have a much better appreciation of that sacrifice now that I’m married myself. I hate spending a night or any extended period of time away from my wife. And yet, for years my mom and dad worked opposite shifts (probably only getting to see each other on the weekends) so that they didn’t have to rely on someone else to raise their kids.

Despite that schedule, my parents were REALLY involved in our lives growing up. My mom used to take my brother and I to the water park on what felt like a daily basis during the summers back then. If she wasn’t doing that, we were playing miniature golf or exploring the trails at our local lake. My dad took us to University of Oklahoma sporting events (back when tickets were dirt cheap) from a very young age and he coached both of our little league teams until I was 12 or 13 years old.

While they both found ways to spend their non-work time doing things they enjoyed, they also made it a priority to include my brother and I in almost everything they did. For my mom, who today is obviously the amphibian of our family, that meant taking us to the water park. For my dad, who you might call a sports enthusiast, that meant taking us to sporting events of all different varieties and coaching our little league baseball and basketball teams.

Other than working and spending time with us, I don’t remember my parents doing much else growing up. I could be wrong, but I also don’t remember them having a huge group of friends, other than the parents of our friends. In many respects, my parents put their own interests on the back burner for a good 10 or 15 years so that they could focus on being there for our family.

My mom and dad weren’t perfect. Sometimes they fought… one time they got in a fight and my mom poured a 32 oz. cup of Dr. Pepper on my dad’s head. Which, despite how funny it is looking back on that scenario today, was pretty intense to witness as a young child. Sometimes they lost their temper… what parents don’t everyone once in a while? And sometimes they made stupid rules like when we weren’t allowed to go outside, swim, play video games, or anything else fun until we had completed all of our daily chores. Oh wait… that last one might have actually been good.

But you know what? I have GREAT memories of growing up – memories that include BOTH of my parents. And I don’t think that would have happened if my parents had been involved in much other than working and raising us.

I fear that my generation is so caught up in having it all, that some of our kids may get lost in the shuffle. We have this mentality that we can have it all. That we can volunteer for this or that organization, work full-time, have a laundry list of hobbies, be connected to a large group of friends, and still spend enough time with our spouse and kids.

I don’t remember my parents spending a lot of time together apart from my brother and I when I was growing up, but it wasn’t because they were out spending “me time” with themselves. It was because one of them was working and one of them was with us.

By today’s standards, some might say my parents needed to find balance. Some might say they should have taken more time for themselves. However, I think they both realized that the season of life they were in was not very conducive to being BOTH good parents AND finding balance. I think they knew that they needed to choose one or the other. I think they realized that it was a temporary (even if 10 or 15 year) season of life. A season of life that would eventually pass and leave them both plenty of time to focus on spending time together and/or on their own pursuits and interests.

They both read this blog and so I hope they see how much I appreciate the way they did things. How much I appreciate all of the sacrifices they made so that my brother and I could have a good childhood and grow up in a stable, loving home. How much I appreciate how involved they were in our lives.

And really, that’s probably what this post is all about. Sure, balance is a part of it, but it’s really about sacrifice. I fear that in chasing the lie that we can have it all, my generation has somehow managed to label the disciplines of sacrifice and choosing as bad.

I don’t want to have it all if having it all means short-changing my family. Sure, I enjoy fishing and being outdoors and a host of numerous other activities that I do on my own time, but I don’t enjoy those things more than I want to be a good husband and a good father – one who both provides for and is available for his wife and kids.

If I have to give up spending time on a few of my own interests for the next few years so that my family comes first, that’s fine. It’s just a season of life that will, like all others, eventually pass.

When Izzy is a grown woman or when the lovely and talented wife and I are in our 80′s, I’m not going to look back and wish that I’d had more “me time” in my 30′s.

So there you go. It’s obvious I have some very strong thoughts about balance. However, I also admit that I could be totally off base and have no idea what I’m talking about.

At the end of the day, balance just seems so illusive and I’m just not sure I agree with those who say it’s the answer to a busy life.

I do, however, welcome anyone else’s opinion on this subject.